It is Sunday night. Tomorrow is Camerons funeral. One week ago we awoke to the worst day of our lives. The pictures in our minds of finding Cameron remain and the heartache of the week is lingering. This is the first time in my life that I have cried until my eyes itch and ache. We may be able to express our true grief tomorrow, but more likely we will be in a haze and numb. There have been few moments that Kristie and I have been alone for enough time to start crying together. The support and love has been tremendous and our grattitude is real.
I had an especially hard day today, mostly because of preparations for tomorrow. Truthfully though, I was wanting to grieve some so that I could hold myself together tomorrow. Our family that is here has been wonderful. Some we haven't seen for years. I can't tell you how great it is to have family that barely know my son be able to really understand my grief because they know how I am. I loved my son more than words can describe. He was my oldest and my only boy. I am so glad that, even with the faults that Cam and I have, at the end of the day we could sit on the couch in the basement and watch Family Guy or Simpsons and enjoy being together. We could also enjoy the secret that we were watching the shows that Mom tried to block.
Cameron was spending much more time with friends and playing XBox than with me lately. I accepted that our relationship be more and more from a distance because that's what teens do. But, Cam never complained when I crashed his TV time, especially when I brought him a Diet Pepsi home. The moments we spent together alone will be with me forever.
We want Herriman (United) Fire to know how much we appreciate them. It isn't easy to see and deal with what they did at our house that morning. They were professional and patient even when dealing with and RN and and ex-EMT. I especially wanted to thank Officer Vollmer with the Sherrif's office. He was there that morning keeping things calm. He also came to Primary's just to check on Cam. His sincerity was real and appreciated. I know that his heart broke at the news that Cam was gone.
To everyone that has thought, prayed, served, and talked to us this week...Thank You! I couldn't imagine going through this alone. The empty place where Cameron should be will never go away, but our hearts are full because of the love of others.
Thank you,
Mike, Kristie, Courtney, Caitlyn, Carlee, and Callie.
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3 comments:
I want to express my deepest sorrow at Cameron's passing. I was Cameron's Geography teacher last year, Mr. Ball, and I really enjoyed Cameron. I liked his sense of humor and I enjoyed talking to him. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could say or do more, but know that there are far more people who loved Cameron than not. God Bless.
Troy
I found your blog because of Cameron's obituary. I have read all through your posts....and I have cried from your words. Your love for your son is great...just as your loss is. I am grateful for a God that is merciful....and that you will see Cameron again. May the Lord bless and keep you at this most difficult time.
I am so saddened to hear of your loss. When someone has their heart ripped open one of two things will happen. You will become either harder of softer. As you alow yourselves to grieve and feel the love of your savior and cam you can become softer. Although noone wants to grow this way. Your ability to love and have deep compassion for those around you will become greater then you have ever know. You will be able to love more deeply than most people will ever experience on this earth. A person who has had there heart broken and moved through it is quite beautiful. cam is still with you. He is just broadcasting on a different channel. Instead of channel 5 he is know on channel 7. Just because we turn off our tv doesnt mean its still not receiving air waves. May you keep your hearts open so you can feel him and know him. God bless you and your family. Your testimony of love has touched many hearts.
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