It's after 3 O'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. I probably shouldn't be writing because I'm pretty emotional. Kristie and I are meeting with the mortician in the morning to finalize funeral arrangements. Of course I am thinking of Cam and how good he really was. I have had a few experiences this week with how awful the world can be. Even though Cam had his weaknesses, he was always good with other people. I was just thinking about an experience with a person this week that made me realize that, unlike Cam, there are people out there that have no heart. I guess I'll tell...As I've been driving around this week, I feel like everything is in slow motion. I am completely exhausted physically and emotionally. On Monday when we were realizing that Cam was not going to make it, I was running back and forth from the hospital taking care of the rest of the family (with help) so that Kristie could stay at the hospital with Cam. It's hard to drive when you're consumed with grief, I wouldn't recommend it. Anyway, when I got to foothill Blvd I set the cruise control to 45 (it's a 40 limit) because it's hard not to speed on that road if you're not paying attention. Well, from 215 it's a long down hill going North and the Suburban is heavy and apparently picked up enough speed to get over 50mph even with cruise. I didn't notice cause I was crying and not running over any cars in front of me. My luck is such that a motorcyle officer spotted me and pulled me over. I really didn't know how fast I was going, but he came up and said I was doing 53. I just offered the explanation that I was headed to the hospital where my son was probably going to die. It came out because I guess I didn't want him to think I was just a speed demon. Well, he took my license and looked liked he was quickly checking things out and came back pretty quickly, which I appreciated. He said he was citing me for speeding and putting 5 over. I didn't think anything of it except "dang." My issue was with what he said next. Officer Hallock, SLPD, then said, and I quote, "I find it sad that you are using your son's grief to try and get out of a speeding ticket"....................................Wha??.........Wha??..............I had no words.
So I have been comparing Cameron's caring personality with these heartless words to a grieving father all week. There is no comparison. I shouldn't dwell and it really isn't important, but I'm pretty emotional.
I really wish he could be here to laugh with me about it.
Cam, thanks for never being a jerk.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
When all is said and done it all comes down to LOVE. There are some people who do not have this trait "naturally" and I feel sorry for them. What empty lives they must live. We know that the "Pure Love of Christ" is a gift - I testify that if we worthily ask for it, this gift will be given to us. My heart reaches out to yours - and especially to Kristie. There really is something so strong about a Mother/Son bond. I believe that one day, perhaps in the not too distant future, you will feel the warmth of his hugs again and delight in the smile on his face. May my love reach out to comfort you and may our prayers also provide you strength and all that you need until you can be together again.
Sylvia - and Gary - Sanford
Hi Earnharts, I just heard about Cam. My heart goes out to you and know that I am praying for your family at this time. I will be out of town next week and unable to make it to the funeral service, but please know I am thinking of you.
P.S. "Earnie", love ya girl. Keep your head up and know you are loved. :)
Post a Comment